Sunday, 2 November 2014
52 THOUGHTS WE ALL ENDURE ON A HANGOVER
1) Why did I drink last night?
2) I never want to drink again.
3) Are these heart palpitations? I think I'm dying.
4) No but seriously, what the fuck happened last night?
5) Am I dreaming or did my lips lock with some sleazy guy on inferno's dance floor?
6) I don't remember what he looked like.
7) Why did I think shots would be a good idea?
8) If hangovers get worse with age, I am seriously considering the path to teetotalism.
9) Did I eat last night?
10) *Looks on bedroom floor....sees remains of kebab and chips* Oh....I'll take that as a yes.
11) Why am I such an animal?
12) I need more food. Domino's Feed four for £5, what you sayin'? (This is totally acceptable to eat all by myself because I'm hungover).
13) I need to be sick.
14) What is life?
15) I know I always say this, but I'm never drinking again.
16) When will I learn?
17) So much for the last train...
18) I don't want to see daylight today.
19) If anyone saw me right now....
20) Where is my phone?
21) Oh god....not again.
22) At least I have my purse.
23) That's a point...How much money did I spend on alcohol and taxi's?!
24) Scrap that...ignorance is bliss.
25) I can't actually move.
26) Wine is the devil.
27) WHY IS MY DOMINO'S TAKING SO LONG?!!!!
28) If I could have one wish, it'd be for my pizza to hurry the fuck up.
29) How did I do this four times a week at uni?!
30) WHO WAS I??!?!
31) I wish I was that hardcore now.
32) I should just accept my fate.
33) How did a few drinks at the pub turn into THIS?
34) Better check my snapchat story on my siblings phone...
35) Oh god.
36) I am not Taylor Swift.
37) I can't sing.
38) Why do I think I'm Tigger from Winnie the Pooh when I'm intoxicated?
39) Someone needs to tell me to stop bouncing around that dance floor like I've never heard music before.
40) I can't dance.
41) I feel needy.
42) Can someone please stroke my hair and tell me everything is going to be okay?
43) While they're at it, can they cook me dinner too?
44) Food. Always more food.
45) Leftover kebab has never tasted so good.
46) My head hurts. SO MUCH.
47) Come to think of it, everything hurts.
48) Oh god, I've been tagged on Facebook. Not to self: do not top up makeup when drunk. You will resemble a Jordan/ Jodie Marsh/ Towie combo.
49) I wonder who was victim to my drunk texting this time...
50) Probably a good thing I've lost my phone.
51) Wake me up when this pain ends. All well and good except I CAN'T SLEEP! Damn you, jager.
52) Hair of the dog? Sometimes it's the only way.